


Tumblr Trope Mash-Ups: the Rex/Obi collection

by norcumi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Noir, Alternate Universe - Rapunzel Fusion, Alternate Universe - Snow White Fusion, Alternate Universe - The Little Mermaid Fusion, Amnesia, Bad Customers, Don’t copy to another site, F/M, Fake Marriage, GFY, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Multi, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Sex Pollen, Tropes, Work Up For Adoption, no beta we die like meh, not edited, rescued from the tumblr purge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:10:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23546740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norcumi/pseuds/norcumi
Summary: Results from a Tumblr writing prompt to select two tropes, a ship, and smashing it all together. Originally posted on Tumblr from 5/31/2018 through 6/17/2018.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi/CT-7567 | Rex, Obi-Wan Kenobi/CT-7567 | Rex, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 7
Kudos: 76





	1. Love Confession and Heroic Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> Based upon a tumblr list of prompts found [here](https://meridelclarke.tumblr.com/post/174003758104/fanfiction-trope-mash-up) that was making the rounds. The last chapter is a bonus Rex/Obi-Wan/Cody ficlet, because I couldn't quite figure if it should go in this collection or the "everything else" one. >_>
> 
> Meanwhile, if anyone wants to adopt a plunnie, please just link back because I'd desperately love to read them!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by impulsewriter (...I...think? I'm bad at keeping track of people, and tumblr is a dumpster fire)
> 
> As connived with [@dogmatix](https://tmblr.co/mMqzpqH-n9NSd4SpVnQf00Q)’s help, this has to be a Tangled AU. Spoilers for that movie below! :D

I mean, just imagine, if you will, a kingdom where Jango Fett wants kids. (Then this would be where I went to refresh my memories of the movie, only to find it’s not on netflix anymore, dammit. So, uh, we’re winging it now. Apologies for weird discrepancies from the canon). He finally gets his hands on the magic herb (Is there a mom? Is it SCIENCE!? Whatever amuses!), and suddenly there’s kids! One – the eldest, probably – has glowing, blond hair.

And Rex gets kidnapped. Maybe it’s Sidious. Maybe it’s Dooku. I think I’ll go with Dooku. So he’s raised alone in a tower, hair grown impossibly long, his only companion a feisty little chameleon he calls Artoo (vicious little bastard, too, when it’s called for). Rex studies books, finds a few military manuals his guardian doesn’t realize were tucked in the bottom of the stacks. Those, he loves, and he spends an awful lot of time trying to hone his skills as best he can for –

well, he’s not sure what. But maybe if he can prove he can protect himself, one day he can leave. Not forever, or anything, but just to _see_.

Years go by, until one day a roguish young man who goes by the name Obi-Wan Kenobi just so happens to get on the wrong side of the local law. Guards are sent out. Anakin probably isn’t a horse, but he’s persistent as fuck. He chases Kenobi to the old mysterious tower in the woods where no one goes, and ends up in the tower.

And KO’ed by Rex, who’s quite pleased that his self-taught fighting skills are up to snuff. This eventually leads to shenanigans, leaving the tower and ending up at a local dive (in residence is Hondo Ohnaka and his pirates. Disreputable bunch of fellows, but Rex can beat them up and it’s _adorable_ how the kid does that. They’re charmed by it). More shenanigans reveal that Kenobi is actually Ben Lars, just an ordinary kid who’d hoped to do great things someday (oops).

All of this culminates in a massive battle at the tower, Rex against Dooku with Ben helping – and then getting horribly stabbed. Rex promises to stay in the tower, but Ben finally confesses he’s fallen for the missing prince – and then he cuts off all that hair.

Of course, that means Dooku dies a horrible death, and Rex manages to heal Ben – he and all of Hondo’s crew get pardons, and everyone lives happily ever after – including Anakin, who suddenly has a lot of people to look after, and Rex, who suddenly has _all these brothers_.


	2. coffee shop au and awful first meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Anon. 
> 
> "Dude. I _worked_ food service. ::grins and cracks knuckles::
> 
> warnings for crappy customers, ALL THE THINGS going wrong, co-workers from hell, and all the other joys of food service. Much of this based upon my own experiences, for what that’s worth. "

It was over an hour after he should have had his break before Rex finally had 3 spare seconds to stop, breathe, and reflect that it had been a _day_. Then he had to scarf down the spare chicken salad Jesse had grabbed on his way in from the gas station down the road, pray for a quick death if it was typical quality chicken salad from a gas station, and then jump back into the fray of fake smiles and incessant customers.

He hadn’t had to open, which meant that the bread order being two and a half hours late hadn’t been his problem. That had started with an incoherent phone call during his shower – if he’d made out the garbled conversation correctly, then Boba had found some black ice and might have broken his leg. Since there hadn’t been word one from his little cousin since ridiculously early o’clock, either the kid was actually dead or still lost somewhere in the medical system. Not his kid, not his problem, he was just the manager who hadn’t gotten a full shower before running (carefully) into work and nearly slipping on ice himself, which had been fun and left some bruises that would make _wonderful_ conversation pieces the rest of the week, but for right now was just the occasional burst of dull pain.

The health inspector had been due, but delayed (ice) so everyone spent the morning in a state of high alert and tense agitation not helped by the fact that they were down a man after first shift and there wasn’t enough fucking _bread_. The regulars were as regular as ever, including Dr. Jekyll (real name unknown) who had decided it was an Evil day and thus being a right bastard who could literally place the wrong order and then harangue them for not reading his mind and knowing he meant to order something else. Several of the local college students were clearly hitting the end of their pay periods, because four of them ended up staggering in for morning caffeine that they paid for in change, pocket lint, and pathetic looks – actually two bucks 37 cents short across all of them, but after counting out nickles and pennies Rex had taken pity and covered the rest from his own thin wallet, because it’d been early enough for him to still have human emotions and more importantly it got the line moving again.

That was necessary because right around the third of those poor bastards, the attendees of some local convention started arriving, all business casual and puffy brand name jackets, a stream of name badges and complicated orders that were only distant relatives of your basic coffee.

Good news: health inspector had arrived then, and the morning manager had dealt with her, and they passed with flying colors.

Bad news: no one thought to mention this to Rex and about half the crew, who went through lunch thinking the wrath of the gods was soon to descend upon them.

Worse news: _no one_ had had any idea there was a convention in their part of town today, so the line stretched to the door on multiple occasions and Hardcase got sent out on a spare bread run twice, leaving them down another person. That got even better when Rex had to call him en route to pick up quarters from the bank, which promptly forgot the last time Jango had gone in for a Talk with them about how he had an account, so regardless of whether or not one of his employees did, they could exchange bills for rolls of quarters, gods fucking damn it.

That one, at least, he could pass on to someone else, though Jango hadn’t appreciated the phone call.

The lunch hour culminated in Slick getting into some kind of screaming match with a woman at the drive-through pickup window. That ended with a round of applause from several regulars, two job offers (which he’d need) and one offer for sex, which the less Rex thought about the better.

Cody should have come in to manager for closing shift, but Rex got the phone call – virtually incomprehensible, again, _of course_ – about some kind of accident at the end of his driveway. Unclear if it was involving Cody or just making life impossible, but either way, he told Rex not to worry, he’d be sending help. Meaning the temp agency would be sending help.

Meaning Hondo Ohnaka showed up for a shift – Hondo, who the temp agency was _explicitly_ not supposed to send. They at least managed to get an hour’s worth of work out of him before he ‘went out for a smoke break’ and never came back. That would’ve worried Rex more except it was the third time Hondo had done that.

Somehow, he made it through close (“Fives. FIVES. Your drawer is exactly five bucks over.” “Huh. Funny how that keeps happening.” “I swear if you are doing this to fuck with me I will _end you_.”), politely booted the last customer out the door, and cleaned up the four tables that Ponds-the-New-Hire (not Ponds-the-Veteran) had inexplicably missed.

He was an idiot and sat at the table nearest the register. He’d been okay as long as he kept moving, but now his calves were screaming, his feet were reminding him they existed much to everyone’s regret, and his shoulders were a burning mess. Somehow, he managed to drag the tray of leftover pastries across the counter to him. Everyone else had scoped out the meager leftovers first, which left slim pickings. It was a sad just-this-side-of-burnt sesame bagel he was pretty sure he’d seen when he came in, two plain donuts, and a warped powered sugar thing that may or may not have contained filling, but either way was death to clothes in munchable form.

Also, not a plain donut and it’d been awhile since the just-passable chicken salad sandwich. Rex eyeballed the donut longer than he should have, then sighed and took a bite. He wasn’t surprised to find that it was in fact jelly-filled as raspberry-flavored goo splorched out across his fingers, missed the top of his apron by less than an inch, and got stuck right around the last button of his henley. A light shower of powdered sugar floated down to coat it, and Rex let out a noise that he couldn’t identify as either a sigh or an exhausted giggle. It figured.

Of course, that’s when there was a knock on the door. Rex stilled rather than going with a full body cringe, then looked up. There was some ginger with a beard peering in, and it was too late to pretend being dead, deaf, or anything but an unprofessional manager trying to recover from A _Day_. “We’re closed!” Rex called, pointing with the donut towards the ‘Closed’ sign with their hours.

The man looked puzzled. “I know! Jango said he left a message?”

What. Rex tossed the pastry back on the tray, swiped his hands on the apron – cringing inwardly as the apron rode up and smeared filling further across his shirt. His phone got a little sticky but fuck that, he needed to check his messages. There was a text from Boba – high on pain meds due to a broken leg but finally out of the hospital – and several from Jango, mostly about Boba’s status and where the hell did this fucking hospital hide its patients aka his _son_.

There was also a message from Cody, a clearly distracted off-the-cuff thing about ‘Jango’s new partner’ coming in at the end of the day to ask a few questions could Rex please handle that thanks. It took most of his willpower to not actually, for real headdesk against the table. He was possibly going to kill someone, no jury in the world would convict him, and since it was liable to be his brother or his uncle –

Fuck. Or the hot stranger patiently waiting outside. Rex hauled himself to his feet before he could stop and think about it (and thus decide fuck no never again). He opened the door, past caring if this was Jango’s person or some kind of scam.

He was not ever expecting it to be one Obi-Wan Kenobi, who politely introduced himself, badgered his way into tackling the last of the dishes while deftly interrogating Rex on his new investment, then invited him to a _very_ nice dinner that almost made up for a horrible day.


	3. Green-Eyed Epiphany and Forgotten First Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Aces-To-Apples!
> 
> "I hope you’re happy to know this had me staring in confusion for a damn long time. <3 Saved by Dogmatix, who was brilliant and combined this with your comment about a [certain lack](https://aces-to-apples.tumblr.com/post/174468838042/cant-believe-i-didnt-see-a-single-mermanrex-all) this MerMay."

Rex is rather more adventurous than the average mer. He’s vastly curious about the surface world, often following ships more closely than he ought to. Then IT happens. A royal vessel. A lovely human center stage. Pirates.

Of _course_ Kenobi first drops his sword overboard. He follows not too long after. Rex somehow manages to almost get skewered by some idiot’s sword, then sees the pretty red-head he was staring at is basically staring back at him. There’s a messy head wound in there too, so Rex does the best he can to haul pretty idiot’s ass up to the surface, and the nearest shore.

Some humans _cannot stop talking_. It seems concussions only make that worse for at least ONE human.

(Rex would never admit it, but he’s even more charmed by Obi-Wan ‘_Please_ call me Ben’ than he was before the man tried flirting with him, miles out at sea.)

But the rules of Kamino society are clear: mer don’t mingle with humans. _Period_. Jango would have his hide for revealing himself to a human, regardless of Rex being his son. Nonetheless, Rex hauls Ben onto the sand, dithering a bit on the shore before asking that he never speak of this. Ben woozily declares that he’s had concussions before; it’s fine. The odds he’ll remember this later are damn low, sorry. That surprises a laugh out of Rex, who stops upon noticing the way Ben is _looking_ at him. “What?” he asks, not sure what to make of the expression.

“You have a lovely laugh,” Ben says, still with that too-serious air of drunks and concussion victims. “Would I be taking advantage if I kissed you?”

“Here I thought I’d be asking you that,” Rex says with a dry laugh, then admits, “if I’d been brave enough to ask.”

Ben studies him for a moment, then plucks a small silver and blue medal from his pocket. “Here. I’m sure you would have eventually, so take this. The Queen’s mark of honor for bravery. Make it official and everything.”

Rex is ruefully considering how Jango would view this, and ‘brave’ is not the word he’d pick. He takes the bauble with a wry grin and thanks that is stopped halfway through by Ben kissing him, not that Rex is complaining in the _least_. It’s thunder and riptides crashing over him, tingling down through his fins and leaving him wanting more. They chase a few more kisses out of each other, then there are approaching voices. Rex jerks away with a curse, seeing figures atop the beach’s ridge that probably can’t make out what’s what, but that’s still too much. Instinct and habit: do not be seen, never be caught.

Before thought can catch up, Rex is in the water and swimming away as fast as he can. He’s out of the shallows by the time it registers that he dropped Ben’s medal. Too late now. A quick glance above the waterline tells him there are other humans around Ben, helping him away, and the man never once looks back at the sea or Rex.

He ought to be glad: not even a hint of revealing who – what – saved him.

It hurts instead.

Rex gets questioned about where he disappeared off to, but it’s not like larger mer society is close-knit or tightly monitors its members. He fobs off some weak explanation of exploring, everyone buys it, and he tries not to mope. He tries to pass it off as curiosity about humans, not one particular human.

He goes back to the site of that fateful battle, dives deep, and among the remains of a pirate ship he finds a sword he’s willing to bet is Ben’s. It’s a beautiful work of art, blued steel and a half-familiar mark of swooping eyes in silver and blue enamel on the pommel.

It’s not the medal, but in some ways it’s better. He stashes it in his favorite cove, just off the surface and just at the edge of where the human territory meets Kamino’s. He _tries_ to stay away, but Ben left quite an impression, and he dithers about until he finally justifies it as ‘checking in’ to see if Ben kept his word.

He sure did – was right about the concussion, too. See, Rex peeks in to find that the local Royals are announcing a fancy ball, to be several nights long (because aren’t these things always?), to celebrate the upcoming marriage of the Queen’s son.

Standing next to Queen Shmi as she makes the declaration is a tall blond Rex doesn’t recognize, and a half step behind him is Ben. Worse, standing far too close to Ben is a dark skinned, dark haired man who looks approximately like Rex.

He’s wearing that medal.

It’s a flash of emotion hitting Rex, jealousy and longing and curiosity and what-if. He lingers around the docks enough to figure out that nope, nothing about mers in the local gossip, just the prince’s upcoming nuptials and how the prince’s half-brother was recently saved by a wandering mercenary who managed to lose most of his memory in the process. Still knows how to fight like a devil, but Gregor doesn’t recall more than his name.

Rex takes a day to stew on it, swimming in circles in his cove before resigning himself to admitting the truth: he might not know what love is, but he’s interested in Ben. He wants to find out if anything could work, and that would require admitting things to the man – not to mention Jango.

If he’s doing this, he’s doing it style, dammit. He’s got his new sword in a fancy scabbard, buckles on his shoulder armor and kama, a few belt pouches with food and any small valuables he wants to make sure he keeps. He swims right up to Jango to declare he wants to investigate the human kingdom. See about making ties with them. Kamino is too isolated, the mers at the sea’s mercy and with nothing but scavenging interesting bits from the humans instead of trying for something _more_.

Jango gets that _look_. A dangerous one, evaluating, measuring – and finding Rex wanting. The mer king is old, and canny, and most of all _powerful_. He descends from his throne, circling around Rex like a hungry shark. To everyone’s shock, he stops in front of Rex, then _grins_. “All right,” he says, then gives Rex a shove, the impact to his chest sending up a flare of bright blue magic. “You want to investigate the humans so badly, then go. You cannot speak to any being about us, and you have an hour before you lose your tail. Go. Get out of my sight.”

Rex doesn’t stick around; Jango’s stronghold is deep in the ocean, far from land. Even swimming to exhaustion, at his fastest, Rex is nowhere near land when his time runs out. He’s pretty sure he’s near the site of that damned sea battle which instigated things when there is blinding pain in his fins, and suddenly the water is crushing, impossible to breathe.

His brothers save him. Not Boba, not the heir – there’s no way he could dare Jango’s wrath, nor would Rex want him to. Cody is the one who pulls him up to the surface. Jesse and Fives swap off with Echo and Hardcase dragging his miserable, flailing self to the nearest spit of land. Kix is the one to bandage the – the _leg_ he banged open on the rocks because what even are these things they don’t _work_ like you’d think. They bring him fish because he didn’t think quite that far, and water because humans are poorly designed.

They help him to the same shore he left Ben at, then say their careful farewells. Rex just sits for awhile, occasionally wiggling his toes for the novelty and being grateful he was wearing his battle kama, because it’s keeping sand from some very unfortunate places. He’s eyeing the stars and wishing he’d thought this plan through better when there’s a voice behind him.

“Hello, there. Are you lost, or trying to avoid the party?”

He freezes for a moment, then he tries to unfold the way he’s seen humans do, pushing and struggling with muscles he doesn’t yet understand. Rex turns and meets Ben on his feet, watching closely as one brow arches as the human gives him a once over. There’s…_something_ in his eyes that isn’t quite recognition, but there is interest.

“Neither?” Rex tries, not sure how to stand casually or as defensively as he’d like. He needs _something_ to do with his hands, and one of them easily comes to rest on his sword. That draws Ben’s eye, and there is a sudden look of surprise.

Then there’s a blush and Ben is a bit ostentatious about looking skyward. “Perhaps I could invite you to the party, then? I can provide more…_thematic_ clothing if you’re in the mood, and – I’d like to talk?”

Something warm blossoms in the middle of the loss in Rex’s chest, and he tries to cover it by looking down. “I’m missing necessities, aren’t I.”

“Pants. Yes.” Ben clears his throat. “And a shirt, I suppose. I was serious about talking, though. Have we met?”

Rex opens his mouth, and answers stick in his throat, magic anchoring them there. _I saved you_, he wants to say. _I helped you swim to shore_ is caught in that magical net. “Not officially,” he finally settles on, and Ben laughs.

He has a nice laugh, too. “I’m afraid this might not count either, but regardless. Would you be my guest at this frightfully boring soiree?”

“Well with an offer like that, how could I refuse?”

_And then they lived happily ever after_.


	4. Detective AU and Time Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amusingly, several folks asked for this combo.
> 
> I…might have cribbed this idea/mechanic from somewhere, but damned if I can figure out where. So. Er. Apologies for not linking to whatever it was.
> 
> tw: character being shot (they get better) and NSFW vague fun times.

Rex may have left the army for a quiet life as a private investigator – it’s reasonably quiet, given he rates infidelity cases, genealogy mysteries, and the occasional missing person gig – but he’s never considered himself a Noir fan. Yet there he is, on a rainy afternoon, when the door to his office opens and in walks the hottest redhead he could possibly imagine. The man smiles at him, a tight, frayed (exhausted) expression. “Hello there, Detective” the man declares, strolling over to the corner with the best field of fire at the door. “We have exactly 4 minutes and 12 seconds before five men break down your door and try to kill us both. I’ve looked at all the reasonable odds, and you seem to be my only hope of surviving the day, and being roundabout hasn’t been the wisest tactic so far.”

What.

Rex nods, standing up and pulling his service piece while taking up enfilade position that conveniently covers maybe-crazy guy. “And you know this how?”

The man flashes him a tired smile. “This is the seventh time we’ve had this conversation, and I’m hoping the blunt tact goes better. Three minutes, and I think I hear them at the building’s front door.”

He focuses on the part he really doesn’t understand. “Seventh time?”

“Yes. I time travel. We’ve gone a few rounds already.” He catches Rex’s look and flushes. “Not like that!”

“Not your type?” Rex can’t help but to tease. Like he’s hoped, the flush deepens. Strange-and-crazy-maybe-time-traveller is cute when that happens.

“If I’m going to die having sex then it’s going to be for more than a four minute quickie!”

That is…an _interesting_ point.

One startlingly brisk and vicious fight later, Rex and his new friend are on the run. It takes him a bit to get used to how Obi-Wan occasionally stops what he’s doing mid-word or mid-motion, declares ‘nope’ or ‘that went poorly’ and dramatically changes direction.

He’s usually right.

It makes a kind of sense when they finally sit down and Obi-Wan explains it. Yes, he time travels, no, it’s nothing at all like Dr. Who. He just sort of…zips back in his timeline, so he’s back where he was, doing what he was the last time. The catch? He’s only able to rewind for about 4, 5 minutes at once (he once made it 7 minutes back, when he tried very hard, and it took a ridiculous amount out of him). Sure, he can clump those together, but after about four or five jumps he’s _this_ close to falling over. So it’s of limited use.

Rex politely disagrees, because Obi-Wan has honed this skill and figured out some fascinating applications. To be honest, Rex is the world’s biggest fan the first time he gets shot while helping Obi-Wan: one moment there’s shock and pain and he’s having trouble breathing, there’s blood everywhere and it _hurts_; the next there’s a dizzying chill through his entire body then he’s back five steps to the left, no pain no trouble breathing and Obi-Wan’s right back where he bumped into Rex. His hand is on Rex’s arm, and the man looks terrifyingly pale. “I’ve never done that with someone else before,” he remarks, then keels over in a faint.

Rex has _just_ enough time to scoop up the unconscious idiot and _run_. They go to ground, and once Rex has convinced Obi-Wan that a nap is useful to them both, especially if it keeps him from keeling over again, he has a nice quiet breakdown in the bathroom. He has to take off his shirt and stare at the mirror for a ridiculous amount of time. No new scars, no blood, no evidence whatsoever that he probably was this close to dying.

He’s there for a while, until Obi-Wan gently knocks on the door. When Rex opens the door, Obi-Wan just gives him a look, then tugs him over to the bed. “I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep.” They cuddle together, eventually both sleeping, and over the next few days there’s some lovely UST between them.

They manage to track down whoever’s trying to kill Kenobi (it’s probably Sidious) and stop them.They set up shop together and are disgustingly cute boyfriends.

(And I feel obligated to point out that Obi-Wan shows Rex his favorite sex trick, because Hot Boyfriend that knows about the time travel thing AND is cool with it is a new and fun experience. And it turns out that if you bring someone to orgasm, then time-travel them back to the peak or right on the brink several times – well. Rex approves.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dharmaavocado is looking to play with this concept, and when that goes up there will be a gleeful link here squeeing about it! Meanwhile, there is a preview [HERE](https://dharmaavocado.tumblr.com/post/180535727687/way-back-in-summer-the-lovely-norcumi-wrote) if you want to take a gander and be AWED. :D


	5. text/letter fic and travel au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Anon:
> 
> "Hoo. Ok, I’m not 100% sure I know the ins and outs of these tropes, so we’ll see how this goes. We’re looking at a universe where the war is over. Anakin found out about Sidious, there was a massive duel, and ding dong the sith is dead. It’s from _Commander_ Rex’s point of view, as he leads the 501st on a nice victory tour through the Republic. It’s part PR stunt, part cleanup, depending on where they are today. Still easier than what they _were_ doing, that’s for sure.
> 
> The story starts out simply, and formally."

> _To Commander Rex of the GAR 501st, Torrent Company_
> 
> _From Obi-Wan Kenobi_

Nothing about General. Or Jedi. Just Obi-Wan.

> _Congratulations on the long over-due promotion! _

There’s some pleasantries about the tour, then the letter drops into the meatier subject.

> _I’ve broken the news to Anakin first, and Cody second, but I must admit I felt I ought to share it with you as well. To be quite honest I think there’s enough distance to our friendship that you won’t yell at me quite so much over it – and I could use a friendly ear._
> 
> _I’ve decided to leave the Order. I’m quite tired of fighting, and to be entirely honest? I will be thrilled to never have to be poster boy for anything ever again, and Anakin is more than welcome to take up the mantle as Sith Killer and whatever other absurd titles people wish to place upon him._
> 
> _I know he wants to restructure the Jedi from within, and I wish him well on that, but…_
> 
> _Have you ever felt that you’ve fought _enough_, and you’re ready to stop? Or is that not how you see the galaxy?_

It’s a lengthy letter, and Rex takes the time to answer it. Among other things, it helps him sort out his own head, where things have been jumbled for awhile. He rereads Obi-Wan’s letters – because more arrive, of course – often, and as the months go on, as the 501st hops from planet to system to Force only knows where –

They become a cornerstone. Rex and Obi-Wan were comrades in arms during the war, but this is something different. More open, sharing secrets and stories from/about their respective youths. Doubts. Hopes.

Never anything emotional about each other, of course. There are still lines, still some sense of distance that they both keep, because this letter exchange is something they both enjoy very much.

There’s no warning in the last few letters, just another port on another planet, and Rex debarks along with the other 501st officers. Fives and Echo are chivvying the jokers in the group to hustle the hells up already; the sooner they get to the barracks the sooner they all eat.

Rex sees some motion that his hindbrain recognizes, cataloged with other life- and survival-skills associated with the Jedi. He knows that motion, that hint of red, and he glances over, glad they’re wearing buckets because it means he can scope things out without being obvious.

(It’s a supposedly peaceful planet, but the victory tour here comes with the possibility of insurgents.)

He might not be obvious, but he pauses long enough between steps that the other officers go on alert, scanning the place.

(And the instant there was that ping of recognition, the red moved again, disappearing around the corner of the building.)

They don’t get attacked, he blows it off as not having seen enough action lately, and he tries to ignore the dirty jokes that follow.

Yet he’s not surprised in the least that when he’s alone in the room he’s been assigned (given. Whatever.), there’s a tap on the doorchime. He opens it up, and there is an Obi-Wan Kenobi, dressed in civvies and looking both healthier and happier than Rex has ever imagined the man could look.

“I…hope you don’t mind, but I was in the system, and….” And Kenobi trails off, looking uncertain until Rex can’t stop a baffled and delighted smile.

“Come on in,” he says, stepping aside and gesturing to the man. “I didn’t write up a response to that last letter yet, but I’m happy to talk about it.”

They talk, and then they try cuddling, and after awhile I think they decide that they fit each other quite well indeed.


	6. the missus and the ex, and locked in a room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Anon:
> 
> "Oooh, we would _have_ to play with [Voyage of Temptation](https://www.starwars.com/tv-shows/clone-wars/voyage-of-temptation-episode-guide) here. Let’s see what Wikipedia will tell us about [safe rooms](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_room), there might be something usefu –
> 
> Oh, heeeeeello, ‘[citadels](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Safe_room#Citadel_on_ships).’
> 
> No idea if Rex and Obi-Wan are an established couple, if it’s relatively new, or if there’s ‘just’ pining."

So things go down as much of the episode shows: assassin probe droids, Tal Merrik takes Satine hostage, Anakin saves the day. Unbeknownst to everyone, however, while the super battle droids were grabbing everyone’s attention, there was a squad of commando droids also sneaking aboard.

Poor Rex has been having A DAY. He’s managing to not trudge on his way to the area that General Kenobi’s commandeered as a command center, only to arrive to find that Kenobi and the Duchess are engaged in a battle of wits.

Or something like that. There’s elevated voices, biting twists to words, and glares that should set _something_ afire. Cody’s standing off to the side, at Attention enough that Rex can tell he desperately wants to be _anywhere but here_.

Figures that Rex gets to be the lucky bastard to break the stalemate. “Excuse me, sirs?”

It genuinely is almost amusing how both the General and Duchess glance over at him, same way same time and snap “Yes?” like they’d rehearsed.

Then the commando droids burst into the room, trying to blast anything that moves and swinging force pikes with deadly intent. The Duchess yelps something indignant, Cody leaps into the fray with a relieved yell while comming for backup, and Kenobi shoves the Duchess towards Rex, yelling something about the door to his right. Rex grabs and manhandles her into the designated area, keeping between a very angry Satine and commando droids with blasters. The door slams shut behind them just after Rex takes several bolts to the shoulder, then it lets out an ominous _chunk_ing noise that sounds like heavy duty locks engaging.

For a moment, there’s just the noise of them breathing – Rex trying not to curse because while his pauldron dispersed some of the shots, it didn’t protect him completely – then there’s something that sounds like an explosion. It’s either further along the ship, or nearby and the doors are both armored and thicker than he thought, not that he had much time to look.

“Where are we?” Rex growls, shoving himself up and seeing how his grip is on the one gun. Acceptable, but injured like this, he’s not going to be nearly as much use as he’d hope.

“The ship’s safe room. That sounded like someone locked it, which I didn’t think could be _done_ from outside.”

“Jedi,” Rex sighs, because that sounds like exactly the sort of thing Kenobi would do.

“Undoubtably.” He hadn’t thought anyone could be as dry as Kenobi, but the Duchess gets damn close. It leaves him feeling a bit uncomfortable, because General Skywalker seemed to think there were sparks between those two, and Rex…

He’s just not sure how some folks approach that, attraction and relationships and whatever. All he really _does_ know is what little he’s figured out of and for himself. And that’s a bit…complicated.

Duchess Kryze pulls him out of that little emotional dogfight by exclaiming over his wounds, and offering to dress it if he’s got the bacta (of course he does – could do it himself, too, but it’s usually neater if someone else tackles it). He’s not sure what to make of her expression when he pulls off as little of his armor as possible – he thinks it’s distaste or disapproval? She doesn’t shy away from patching him up, but there’s a definite tenseness to her.

They’re both a bit terse as they clean up and Rex armors back up. The room’s small, looks stocked with supplies for a long haul, but pretty minimalist. They report findings to each other, until Duchess Kryze turns and _looks_ at him.

“Why do you keep calling me sir?” she asks, sounding baffled. “I’m not in your hierarchy.”

“You’re not in the GAR, but you _are_ current leader of the Mandalorians, and given Jango Fett’s our progenitor–”

She gives a haughty, disdainful sniff. “Jango Fett was _hardly_ a Mandalorian!”

Rex tries not to twitch. He’s heard some rumors that the Mandalorian higher ups have been passing around those stupid ass rumors, but he’d never thought he’d run into them personally. “With…all due respect, _sir_, that is the biggest load of bantha shit I have ever heard.”

The Duchess draws herself up to look down her nose at him. “You think I wouldn’t know–”

“Unless there’s some master registry of Mando’ade, which I don’t recall being part of the Resol’nare, which I _do_ know that Jango Fett followed, I don’t know how you _could_ say for certain.”

To her credit, though the muscles along her jaw clench tight, she doesn’t tear into him for that. “You’re an expert in Mandalorian culture then, Captain?”

“No, _sir_, I am not. We were taught basic principles as part of our training, but it’s scattershot.”

She nods, a gesture short and sharp. “Then you should understand that Mandalore is not the barbaric hotbed of violence it used to be. We are no longer a warrior culture.”

He can’t quite stop his own sharp nod of acknowledgement. “Obviously.”

Her eyes narrow, and Kryze steps close into his personal space. “Mandalore is a peaceful system now, and for good reason. We survived a civil war that made this separatist business look like a cheap, overblown copycat of a sequel!”

It’s his turn to bite back snarling commentary, and Rex somehow manages to tone it down to a civil, “You think this and the lives spent for it are _cheap_–”

The Duchess scoffs. “Cheap like a poorly done holomovie reboot, _Captain_, not in terms of lives! You think that I hold you and your men’s lives in less regard because you were crafted for it?”

It’s difficult to make a wide, ‘you said it not me’ shrug one handed, but he does his best. Kryze’s eyes almost snap fire as she leans in to hiss at him. “Almost my entire family was literally slaughtered before my eyes. My parents, my cousins, ninety percent of my entire clan, _executed_, while I had to hide and _watch_. I was a _teenager_, _Captain_, and I don’t think you understand what that means to a civilian.”

Rex glares right back at the Duchess, taking his time to settle his stance like he’s about to orate a report to the High Council. “Duchess Kryze. I am twelve standard years old. Yes, for us that’s equivalent to human twenty-four, but in those twelve years I have seen literally thousands of my brothers die in front of my eyes. The first time was a training incident when I was _eight_. I am the only living member of the 756 squad, because I am the only one to have lived this long. I could recite for you the death statistics for the 501st and much of the whole GAR, never mind the latest rates for wounded and MIA. I can recite the names of the dead who are important to me, but I sincerely hope we are not stuck in this room for the several days it would take. My brothers and I were made for war, and we do our duty without complaint or reluctance because we are well aware that success means a free Republic where we might earn our place; while failure means a split government, a split _galaxy_, and chaos I can only imagine. Perhaps you as a civilian don’t realize what _that_ means.”

She goes pale at the start of his clipped little tirade, and by the end her chin is up high and Rex can’t tell if she’s furious, about to cry, or considering breaking her stance on pacifism starting with him. Then she gives another of those sharp little nods. “You two really are cut from the same cloth.” She makes some kind of noise that might be an amused scoff. “You truly do deserve each other.”

Rex blinks. “Excuse me, sir?”

There’s a loud chunking noise that has them turning towards the door. Rex has his gun raised and ready by the time it opens; the Duchess has her droid popper ready too.

A familiar blue lightsaber waves through the crack of the open door. “It’s safe now,” General Kenobi calls.

Duchess Kryze smiles. It’s a funny expression, wry with some deep amusement, relief mixed with something Rex can’t identify. She gives him a sideways, feline glance. “Speak of the devil.” She puts her blaster away, then raises her voice. “What took you so long?”

Rex stares after her in utter bafflement as Duchess Kryze stalks out, already sniping at Kenobi. Then he shares a look with the Jedi, who’s giving him a sympathetic, almost apologetic expression.

Rex is having _such_ a day.


	7. Baby fic and curses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Outcastcommander asked for "Baby fic and curses please with Echo and Fives for the Tropes mashup! ^^"
> 
> "Seriously, Dogmatix saved my butt by finding all the neat fairy tale AUs.
> 
> (’cause the alternative was trying to find a way to make “Echo and Fives find the rest of Domino Squad isn’t dead, they’re just little kids” something other than agonizingly painful….)
> 
> I present to you, ‘Anakin and the Seven Clones!’"

You probably know how the story starts. A queen, unable to have a child. Magic, and suddenly there is a child. Then tragedy, then an interloper with a magic mirror.

Can’t you just _imagine_ Sidious asking a strangely Christopher Lee looking Magic Mirror who’s the fairest in the land? XD

So we have a magic kingdom where Sidious has finagled his way onto the throne, but his role as ‘the most powerful of them all’ is threatened by the young Chosen One. Since appearances must be maintained, and pointless cruelty exercised if at all possible, Sidious picks young Hunstman Kenobi out to kill the young boy.

That Will Not Do. Thankfully, Kenobi has just the answer. You see, while he knows that the locals are in danger if he should happen to stash the kid with any of them, he doesn’t always hang out in more populated areas. He might even have a boyfriend who lives deep in the woods, along with his six brothers. If Obi-Wan _just so happens_ to ‘abandon’ a small child in the woods, loudly declaring his intentions basically underneath the house’s windows, well. These things happen. He might have to go on the run, but he cannot kill a child.

Echo and Fives are the ones to overhear the _weirdest_ monologue by Rex’s boyfriend. As soon as he’s gone, they step out and find this cute, lost little kid who doesn’t really know which way is up.

They take their new little brother home and just _try_ to explain. Anakin grows up with some interesting older brothers, leaning all sorts of interesting and deadly life skills along the way. These brothers expect trouble will eventually come knocking on their door, but for all their combat savvy and planning and sneakiness –

Something gets past them. Anakin ends up unconscious, almost dead, and so our intrepid ARC troopers set out to find just the idealistic government minded True Love that will wake him with a kiss….


	8. I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On, and Curses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were a number of directions this one wanted to go on, so sadly it's less prose and more throwing a bunch of ideas at the wall. ^_^

ANON. FOR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD, ANON. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW COMPLICATED THIS GOT? (<3)

See, first I looked at this, and went “Eh. I am not going for ‘someone has been cursed to be horny’ that’s just…not a direction I wanna go in. How can I twist this?”

* * *

It was pretty easy and very amusing, because I can so readily imagine Rex in the hanger of the _Negotiator_ or _Resolute_, chewing out a bunch of soldiers who pulled a stupid. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan is standing nearby, watching Rex curse some idiot shinies up one side and down the other, and Obi-Wan is _P I N I N G_ soooo much because ye gods that is hot.

Of course, his body language is screamingly obvious to folks who have had to rely on reading such because there’s no visible facial features with the bucket on, so he’s basically broadcasting to the _entire hanger _“MINE! I DESPERATELY WANT TO CLIMB LIKE A TREE!” Thus Rex is wildly, inappropriately turned on, but ramping up the cursing out idiots just a little because YESPLS.

* * *

BUT THEN. BUT THEN I KEPT THINKING. AND I RECALLED SOME SEX POLLEN CRACK FIC I ONCE WROTE AND THEN IT ALL WENT TO HELL.

So what if instead, Obi-Wan and Rex get stuck on a planet. Maybe they’re spying. Maybe they’re stranded and waiting for rescue. Maybe things will be hella awkward because they’re there to negotiate with someone. Either way, they run across this rare plant. Now, for 99.999% of the population of the galaxy, it’s a pretty plant that grows under very rare conditions, and blooms under even rarer ones.

But for .001% of the population, it acts like sex pollen.

Unfortunately for everyone, Jango Fett is one of them.

Rex is suddenly having a Very Interesting Day.

* * *

AND THEN _SOMEONE_ *COUGH*[@outcastcommander](https://tmblr.co/m-A9TwBvd4cjoFY752CxH-A)*COUGH* HAD TO GO AND MENTION BODY SWAPPING.

So building on that sex pollen notion, what if for *handwave* reasons that help random ass stupid flower pollinate, when someone is affected by the sex pollen, the first person they bang they swap bodies with? Then both are affected by the sex pollen and want to fuck so. damn. much.

Let’s make up some crazy shit. Let’s say the hornyness keeps going until there’s a simultaneous orgasm, but both parties are so turned on that it’s difficult, therefore it’s the sex olympics?

Pooooor Obi-Wan and Rex were not expecting any of this.

* * *

AND THEN. AND THEN [@dogmatix](https://tmblr.co/mMqzpqH-n9NSd4SpVnQf00Q) HAD TO CONTRIBUTE. Y’ALL REMEMBER THE [DROID TROOPERS](https://norcumi.tumblr.com/post/171277069634/droid-troopers) PLUNNIE?

So in _this_ random AU, the droid troopers look a bit more synth humans than clankers. Something happens to Rex when he and Obi-Wan are out and about – maybe a droid popper grenade that ended up too close. So Rex is face-planted, his legs aren’t working, and he needs some help. If the General could just fiddle with some of the wires at his hip/thigh/whatever, there’s maybe HELLO NOT THAT WIRE *INTERNAL FLAIL*. WELP, GOOD NEWS, HIS LOWER HALF IS NOT TOTALLY UNFUNCTIONAL. AWKWARD NEWS: HOW REX KNOWS THAT.

Alternatively, the _easiest_ way to test functioning is running a quick subroutine that, ah, Rex doesn’t really use. That tests via…exercising certain muscle clusters. _Ahem_. So to speak.

Look, it’s just a fast and dirty diagnostic – NO NOT THAT WAY_. _(Well, kinda that way.)

* * *

So. Many. Directions this meme could go. ::MOCK FISTSHAKE:: 

(Thank you! This was a wild trip beginning to end!)


	9. Fake Married and Poorly Timed Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Punsbulletsandpointythings! This is Rex/Obi-Wan/Cody, because I wasn't sure which collection to put it in.

When it starts, Rex and Cody are slightly more than casual bunk-buddies. Some of it is just timing: they’re both hella busy, and not in the same area as often as they’d like. Some of it is that maintaining a bit of distance is just smart, in wartime, with this high a body count.

They’re both back on Coruscant, right before Cody and General Kenobi are due to head off to Rex isn’t sure where, other than the mission is top secret and very risky. The 501st is due some actual downtime, because the Chancellor wants to spend some time hanging out with Skywalker or some such shit, Rex doesn’t know. Either way, Rex is a bit…_moodier_ than usual as he and Cody are trying to have a nice time before Cody ships out.

Neither of them are in the mood for sexy times, so after Cody wins _yet another_ dejarik game, he starts teasing Rex to try to find out what the fuck is so distracting. He’s not expecting the answer he gets, which takes a damn lot of wheedling out of his brother.

Rex is struggling with a bit of a helpless crush.

On Kenobi.

Cody manages to give him some only-a-tiny-bit-stilted advice before Rex thanks him and ducks out to go to the firing range because he really needs to blow some shit up. Cody meanwhile wants to find a wall to beat his head against, because of _course_ Rex has a crush on Kenobi. It’s only sensible! Any brother with a lick of sense, eyes, and an interest in male humans would have a crush on Kenobi!

Hells, _Cody_ has a monster crush on Kenobi.

Which. Is kind of something he’s been trying to avoid thinking about, particularly since he and the General are due to ship out to an undercover mission he hasn’t gotten the details on yet. It’s still nipping at his heels the next day – of _course_ – as Kenobi lays out the plan.

Even for a Kenobi plan influenced by the Jedi Council, it’s flat out the _worst_ that Cody has ever heard. Undercover as a _married couple_? _NEWLYWEDS? WHAT THE FUCK EVEN?_

Kenobi – (“Ben, for this mission,” he insists, and Cody just wants the floor to swallow him up because nooo, this is so many levels of wrong AND finding out the general has a secret name that he’s _sharing_ with him how is a man supposed to go around only _pretending_ to be besotted with this idiot?) – apologizes, but is adamant. They have to make do. Cody’s not entirely sure he has a clear idea what the end goal is, but his job is to watch – to watch Ben’s six, and keep him safe, and everything is horrible.

They end up at a _resort planet_. Beaches as far as the eye can see, ridiculous hotels with only a single bed that an entire squad could comfortably bunk down in, and _Kenobi in hideously colored shorts and an open shirt and how is this not __**incredibly illegal???**_

Ben keeps asking if he’s using sunscreen, because he’s a permanent shade of red.

(“Gee. I wonder why that is. Sir.”

“Please don’t call me that in public, I don’t think our wardrobe hints at that kind of lifestyle, and our funds wouldn’t cover – Are you quite all right?”

Cody is quietly D Y I N G, and for once in his life he can’t tell if Kenobi is being a shit-stirring asshole, or just that oblivious.)

Worst of all is the bedsharing, because Cody alternates between wanting to latch on to – to _Ben_, because yes please; and remembering what Rex JUST FUCKING _HAD_ TO TELL HIM RIGHT BEFORE THIS PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK UP ABOUT HIS OWN CRUSH.

Not that Cody would expect anything to come of it – Ben _is_ a Jedi, after all. Just – it’d be nice to put it out there. Be honest with how he feels. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to muddy what Rex would like to say, and if any brother could have a chance Rex deserves it.

Then Ben blindsides him by sitting him down, and confessing that he’s struggling with an attachment problem.

To _him_ – and Rex.

He has to take a time-out to scream into something for a bit, then come back and admit that if Rex is interested, a threesome would be amazing.

It is, in fact, much more than amazing when they finally hook up.

(In the meantime, the bed is not only big enough for an entire squad, it’s also _quite_ nice for shared activities.)


End file.
